A self-respecting person should ideally possess the rules of behaviour in public places in order not to disturb others and not to create uncomfortable psychological situations. This is what we are going to talk about today.
After all, if you not only get yourself familiar with useful tips on how to behave in public, but also apply them in real life, people around will perceive you as a good example, will value exposure to you and hold you up as a raw model.
There are various rules and procedures in English etiquette. Quite often in public places one can observe a situation when a couple stands at a door and says to one another: “After you, please” – “No, please, you go first, it’s my pleasure”. Usually, when we are let pass through first, we just do it without any hesitation, and, in principle, this is correct.
Traditionally men let women pass through first, a younger does the same for an elder, as well as a junior – for a more senior colleague. Among two people of the similar age, the one who is closer to the door should pass through first. Let’s have a closer look at a couple of situations when we don’t usually know how to act.
If you face balancing double-leaf doors: initially, a woman starts to open the right door with a handle while a man behind helps her do that, holds the door and let her pass through. At the same time, the left door should be kept free for other people to come in and out from the opposite direction.
If you have invited someone to your place: if inviter is a woman then she comes in first, followed by a guest; alternatively, if inviter is a man then a guest comes in first. What if a guest does not know where to go and it’s dark inside behind the entry door? In this scenario, a man comes in first and says: “Please, follow me, let me help you”. It works irrespective of which gender a guest is.
When a guest is a pretty important person and a hall is long and there is quite a number of doors to go through: inviter should open the first door and let a quest in, then approach the next door before a guest does it, open the next one and let a guest in again, etc.
Stairs
It used to be common practice that a man was ahead of a woman if they both went up the stairs. Today it can be quite different: a man would try to stay behind and would only try to be ahead up on the stairs if it was dark around and there was something tricky and uncomfortable with the stairs itself. If all is fine with the stairs and it’s all clear around – a woman should step up first followed by a man. Alternatively, if both go down the stairs – a man should be obviously ahead.
If someone lets you go first up the stairs – you would always say: “Thank you very much”. If stairs are narrow and there is either an old man on your way or your boss or a woman, please step aside a little and let them pass through first.
In case a man and a woman face each other at the opposite directions on the stairs, it is a female’s privilege to keep holding a banister despite the “right-hand traffic” rule – same applies to elderly people and children.
Elevators and escalators
Elevators are “public territory” as well (just like a street or stairs), as such you don’t have to remove your headdress. Feel free to greet the ones you are familiar with, just as you would do it everywhere else. If the elevator is full and crowded, it is fine for a man to keep his hat on even if he is accompanied by a woman – at the same time, a man should probably remove his hat off if he’s in the elevator of a residential building and in a case a woman comes in.
In automatic elevators a woman, if alone, presses the necessary button on the control panel herself. If there is a man close to the panel, he would ideally check with other people in the elevators (especially, with women) and help with buttons on the panel. People with proper manners would usually step out for a second and let other people go if the elevator was full. Also, if it was an office elevator, men would ideally stay close to the walls so that women could easily come in and out (unless a man is with a woman).
In terms of escalators, if a man was with a woman, he would let her step up first, unless he wanted to help her with anything. In many cases, however, a man would first take off of the elevator to help a woman out as well.
Official dinner
When it comes to the official dinner, it is just unacceptable to reach out for salt or use a napkin as a bib – as such, it is super important to be familiar with etiquette basics at the official dinner table.
Actually, in relaxed atmosphere it is a somewhat normal practice to use a napkin as a bib, but not at the official dinner. Please place a napkin down onto your knees and use it on an as-needed basis.
Have you ever noticed how your hands “automatically” land on the table at the dinner? Again, usually it’s ok, but please control your hands if you are at the official dinner in high society. Charles MacPherson once mentioned that “one should only raise hands when one actually eats “.
People normally become embarrassed when mucked at the table, but just don’t make a tragedy out of it. Stay calm, don’t panic, just ask someone among personnel bring you additional napkinы. In case you soil you neighbour – again, don’t panic, just offer her use your napkin and, obviously, apologise.
In terms of interesting stories, before you actually start telling one around, place your table devices on the table itself – it’s a sign of a bad manner if you start talking while holding either a knife or a spoon in your hands. Also, keep in mind that you should put your table devices down once you are in the process of processing your food.
Finally, once you are done, place your napkin on a plate but not on a chair!
This is it for now! Next time we will have a closer look at the dining etiquette and how to take various dishes. Good luck in practice and polishing up your etiquette skills!
Kristina Angel’,
life coach, psychologist and trainer of international etiquette.
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